I almost killed us and I’m not over it

First things first, we (myself, Caleb and Aidan) were in a road accident and apart from a sore arm and stiff neck(mine) we are fine… If the question is “why so dramatic Eleanor” then the answer is 1.genetics 2.you must be new here.

It’s been three days since I went flying over a traffic circle with the two people closest to my heart silently staring at me as I tried to regain control over the car and apparently messing up my left arm in the process… It’s been three days where instead of feeling relieved that we are okay,  I’m just a bit of a mess.

I haven’t been able to sleep since it happened. Well I do sleep, these unhelpful 30min increments that make me very suspicious of my alarm clock…. How is it only 2.30am how?

My general demeanor is that of a 4th trimester pregnant woman watching the Notebook. Seriously I’m constantly on the brink of crying. It’s making everything so difficult and so annoying. I have great guest posts to share with you guys, reviews and a killer competition… But I just can’t get out of my head, also working with one arm is hella annoying.

My anxiety levels are out of control and I find myself so tense as we drive to work – in the car we have borrowed from my mom (flip what would I do without that woman?). I keep flinching and stepping on my imaginary brake… It’s only been three days of constant tension, but I’m already very over it.

How can someone who survived her Godmother dying the same week her son is born react like this. Someone who has been mugged, attacked and been betrayed so often she became a fake version of herself, how can she be spiraling like this.

It annoys me that in many ways I had my shhhh together when my son started mourning his deceased brother, coped with Robs operation and subsequent health scares. I’m usually pretty strong for my family, but right now I feel so vulnerable. I feel like an open nerve and it sucks.

The boys went from trusting me with their whole hearts to asking me “what if you can’t see again” – the accident happened because the street lights were off and there were no reflectors on the circle. Caleb shouted “please double check my seat belt” as I had to drive them home after the accident, while our car was being towed away…. I went from their helper to their “harmer” and quite frankly I’m not over it.

5 thoughts on “I almost killed us and I’m not over it

  1. Heather says:

    Ah Eleanor I am so sorry xxx forgiving yourself and acknowledging that it’s not your fault is easier said than done. Sending you all the love and hugs. Xx

  2. Sean Moodley says:

    Eish that’s always a hard thing to deal with, I’m sorry babe. But kids are resilient, and tougher than they look. One time I ended up hanging by my head caught in the half down window while the door swung out: NOT PRETTY. Needed serious dental reconstruction and everything. But I’m fine, I was over it as soon as the swelling went down The boys will be fine, momma needs to be less hard on herself!

  3. Charlie says:

    The amount of unnecessary accidents caused by poorly designed circles in this city is crazy! Glad everyone is relatively fine. Trauma in any form takes time to process. Sending strength. Please make noise wherever you can about the circle, the next person might not be able to regain control. Circular Drive is a good example of this.

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