So it’s sort of weird talking about my menstrual cup, it feels like TMI to the millionth degree, BUT when I was researching before purchase, I was dying for someone to, “tell it like it is” and I thought I’d be the change I want to see and so forth.
As a disclaimer: I always say (while testing hair products) that experiences may differ as our hair is different. I am willing to bet it is the same for the gynecological areas. Also, I’m not afraid to say vagina, but much like the boys who went from penis and testicles to calling it their lucky charms, I too, appreciate whimsy.
The idea of a menstrual cup grossed me out, not gonna lie. However, I have recently been waking up in murder scenes and that gross started to trump the other gross. I should clarify (as my husband was a homicide detective for the past few years, that I don’t mean literal murder scene, I mean that when I’m asked about the heaviness of my flow I’m tempted to say, Rivers of Babylon). It was not always like that, my whole blood system is just messed up with me playing rare disease bingo since March. I have also gone off contraception as part of a, “let’s drop all meds and start again” plan my last specialist physician suggested after I was on chemo for no damn reason – oh 2021 the stories I’ll tell. (thankfully my husband was willing to do the snip because he wasn’t willing to do the pajama drill – I know we only have one kid, shock horror, but believe me, this is what we want.) The point is I saw a bunch of influencers say that cups helped them sleep through the night and I was like I NEED THAT!
Deciding on a brand:
There are a ton online, however when at 11 am I had washed a pair of pajamas, yoga pants, jeans, and my mom’s fancy blanket, I could not wait for delivery. I wanted to try this asap. So I headed over to Clicks. I’m not telling you the brand, am I holding out for a sponsorship (HOW DARE YOU! also brands my email addy is ella@justellabella). The truth is I just stood in the aisle googled the brands on the shelf and picked up the one (out of three) that came up most. I just don’t want to point out one specific brand since it has only been a day of using it and I don’t want you saying; “ja, but you said it’s so awesome Ella”. I’ll let you know if I’m happy after a week
Packaging is super cute, like all silicone and pink and pretty and discrete. It is flat and fits into a side pocket quite easily but the holder folds out into a cup (I don’t actually know why? for when you sanitise it I guess). The cup itself looks like: “how must I put that up my ziggy without a wah wah brush” – anyone here get that reference? Only my bestie? probably not, she doesn’t read my blogs, she gets the live show and is quite frankly, tired. What I’m trying to say is , it seems uhm questionable.
The uhm, launch of a silicone shuttle
So you can fold it various ways and then just imagine your tampon company made some changes. At first, I was like, wait, this tail business, like is it supposed to be outside like a tampon string, cause that isn’t like, uhm, possible. And I could feel it, which would be way too weird. I actually gave up the first time and went to have supper then came back like: “I ain’t no biatch”. but in fact I was, then I came back a third time, and this time I got it to go in, and due to, twisting while inserting – as my intensive google search suggested – it was A for away.
How it went
So I lay in bed googling, should a menstrual cup make you feel like you need to fart. Turns out, sometimes, yes. It suctions onto your cervix and that air can make things feel airy. I wore a pad with it because reviews said that it might take a while to get the suction right. So the first night went well. I did wake up at 4am but I did not look like I was spooning the decapitated horse head from the Godfather. Also, there is a suction sound at removal and that’s like, “oh fok did I dislocate my uterus”. Apparently no
I’m going to give this a real go, currently, I can go through a pack of pads at R50 in a day and a half, times that by 5 days and I could have bought shoes. I was not uncomfortable, just the whole extraction thing is a little, “let’s get our hands dirty, how would this work at a public bathroom” – it is said to be good to go for 12 hours though so I guess it’s a timing thing and you take wipes in your bag? But guys it’s a surprised, eleanor from the past would so not believe this, yes from me. It doesn’t feel weird, and my clothes stayed clean.