Thankful Tuesday is a weird way to commemorate the anniversary of my son’s death.

Especially weird since I’m not feeling super thankful, I’m feeling like a sea sponge left in the mid-summer sun, all dry inside from too much crying and exhausted from all the feels.

He is officially gone for five years now, five Easters, five Christmases, five birthdays, countless milestones.

So what’s with all this thankful malarky?

The year he passed I decided I wanted to be a mom he could be proud of, even though he wasn’t here for me to mother him. I started this thing where I would reflect on things I am thankful for.  I wanted to keep on going and for that to happen I needed to remind myself that I had things to live for,  because quite frankly, death sounded great…

Today I want to do that again I want to remember what makes being Eleanor, not suck

So here are eight things off the top of my head For which I am thankful

• My husband…He is ridiculously supportive, even though he doesn’t always understand me, he trusts me and stands by me and that means a lot.
• My son…I prayed so hard for this kid, I wanted to be a mom so bad and I still can’t believe that God entrusted me with this special soul, there is such a spark in him, I have no doubt that he will go on to do amazing things (granted I’m typing this while he sucks his big toe, soooo let’s say, one day, one day he will do amazing things)
• My family…I love my family so much, we are close in that “annoyingly amazing don’t want it any other way” way where you will have med lemon dropped at your house because you sneezed in front of your cousin who told your aunt that you seem under the weather and your aunt knows your other aunt bought med lemon in bulk the other day so she trades the mint she grew for it, guys it’s insane, but we wouldn’t want it any other way
• My friends…I can be super unsocial like if left to my own devices I would craft and be on social media from the privacy of my own home, while dressed in a onesie and eating junk food. My life is also crazy busy so I can’t always attend the things I would like to attend or be there in the capacity that I know my friends deserve, but despite all this, despite being a pretty average friend, I have so many amazing people in my life that my heart overflows. People I genuinely care so much for I could burst and who I know I can count on no matter what. I am seriously a WhatsApp message away from people who actually, no jokes, give a damn about what happens to me  and that is AMAZING
• My blogger family…Since blogging I met so many amazing people (I say amazing a lot hey, I go through phases, let’s call this my “amazing phase”, I have not said “awesome sauce” in a while, so ‘chalk this up as a win). Some of the people I still can’t believe are even interacting with me…I’m over here fangirling every time one of these big time bloggers, like, comment or tweet me…I AM NOT WORTHY. Meanwhile, I have all these bloggers who have become real friends, people I turn to and who turn to me and it’s amazing, there is something to be said for the sisterhood of the oversharers, hehehehe
• My blog readers… So this makes me sound like I’m making a grammy speech, but the truth is, I am so overwhelmingly chuffed by you guys. I suddenly have over a thousand followers on each of my social media platforms (which is amazing to me) and you guys actually interact with me. You ask me questions, you inbox me, you are genuinely interested in JustEllaBella and to me, that is the greatest blogging win ever.
• A cup of cute… OhBoyKids was such a passion project for me, so deciding to close it down was tough. But I simply could not do it anymore, no time, health failing, the juice simply was not worth the squeeze. I did not want to give up the dream however and started a small jewelry business called a cup of cute…Hand painted wooden jewelry packaged in takeaway containers, I am now stocked in three stores CASA, Beauty with a Difference and Geek World and honestly could not be happier.
• The future…Although my right now might be a little tough adjusting to “what do you even do for a living” but I feel confident that good things are on the horizon and I can’t wait