Don’t get freaked out by my headline, I do not have Munchausen by proxy syndrome (making child sick to get attention for myself) I have “what now syndrome”
I recently took Aidan to an Occupational Therapist, I was hoping she would tell me his food issues are related to some textural problem which I could sort out with a few activities and Aidan would go from “pickiest eater in the world” to “pass the (ANYTHING REALLY) mom”.
I know it was a naive thought because therapy would have been way more than colour between the lines, “dadah you are cured”, but I guess I was just looking for a “reason”.
I needed a reason for my son eating the bare necessities (if the bare necessities are crackers and apples that is).
I needed a reason for him crying when I eat and for never seeming to get hungry.
I needed that reason not to be, “actually you just suck as a mom, he should be eating so much more, shame, you suck”
From the moment they place a baby in your arms each parent has a variation of the phrase “Don’t F this up” running through their minds.
I’m no different, but when it comes to food I fear I might have F’d it up. I’m not very good when it comes to tough love and Aidan.
Maybe it’s because I don’t often have to use it, a stern “Aidan I am going to count to five and you better . . . ” works for most things except eating.
Tough love has always been difficult for me, when he was a baby I could never let him cry it out, that whole don’t make eye contact after a certain time thing was a major fail and the thought of forcing him to eat (sit down, stick spoon in his mouth, you are not leaving till you ate this, style) would leave us both in tears ( he would also projectile vomit)
Instead I have just been working on giving him healthy options and pumping him full of vitamins and tricking him with smoothies and juices which contain vegetables and fruit, which has resulted in a healthy kid who does not eat “people food” no fish fingers or mac and cheese, nix!
When the OT told me there was nothing wrong with Aidan I felt like she might as well have been saying, “the thing is Mrs Douglas-Meyers, you are just not very good at this mothering thing, your job here is simple, feed and clothe, and 50% is not a pass”.
Okay she didn’t say that, but I felt so awkward as I ran off a list of things he ate, she looked at me questioningly as she double checked that this seemingly healthy boy didn’t eat ANY meat, eggs, “wet fruit” and his vegetable intake is made up of sips of mommies veggie juice. “Yogurt, provita and dry cereal you say”, yes *cringe* and dried fruit sticks
“have you tried … and … and how about …” the answer to everything , “yes I tried , but he freaks out!”
According to her Aidan seems to be a “happy well adjusted little boy” with no texture issues which is clear from his love of paint, play dough and messy play.
She suggested a dietician, but I’ve done that before, I have a pretty clear outline of what he should be eating… He just wont, he cries, he vomits, he sits defiantly, he does not respond well to “force”.
The OT then suggested not making too much of a deal about eating in front of him. I think she is right, I realised he knows it upsets me and food is becoming a source of anxiety for him, over the last few weeks the first thing I hear when I get home is “Aidan was naughty, didn’t eat all the foodies”
He responds well to having things explained to him. Example: “why is mommy cross, is it because of the mess” (when he pulled kettle cord) I explained that I was cross because he knew he was not allowed near there and could have burned himself. A few days later when the kettle clicked off he runs up to me and says, “the kettle is done, but I won’t touch so I won’t burn and you won’t be cross”.
We are trying the explanation thing with food now, explaining to him he needs food like cars need petrol, and if he wants to be big and strong he needs to eat food.
He also likes to feel independent, so giving him two or three options to chose from seems to be working , he even helps to pack his lunch in the evening.
It’s working so far (almost two weeks) knock on wood… He actually eats at school, I send a few healthy options and more than half is eaten every day, I’m extremely chuffed with this (Two weeks ago he ate NOTHING for three days straight). He still seems to have a fear of upsetting me and apologises if he didn’t finish everything, I’m working on letting him understand that food is not a punishment. Now that he is off the bottle things are really looking up
He has added toasted cheese spread sarmies to his meal list along with provita with the smallest amount of grated cheese and breakfast biscuits, he eats cups of otees and raisins, apples are always a win and if I fry potato chips in coconut oil (figured this out when my oven gave in and couldn’t do oven chips) he will ask for seconds, Aidan never asks for seconds, ever!
I’m feeling motivated to test out different foods and to branch out on what he likes… wish me luck, here goes nothing
Your fight about food seems like my SIL with her daughter who once refused to eat for 5 days. I really do not have the answers and know why the kids do this. Best of luck!
you are such a good mom! even though youre a bit of a nut job 😉
ah Ella.. hugs… I have also been through this. I find Nicky doesn't eat much. He really likes 2 min noodles though. And bananas and yoghurt. Every now and then I get him to eat other stuff. Read this post: you will feel better: (I wrote this two years ago when Nicky was one, but the thought behind it is the same) http://onestepatatime.co.za/baby/my-child-wont-eat-book-review/