It’s been two years four months and one day since Logan died…
I’m not writing this to get sympathy or attention or for any other reason than I woke up thinking about him.
Sometimes it’s like 2012 just never happened like I was never pregnant before Aidan, that I didn’t have a whole other child that I had hopes and dreams for.
Sometimes I forget that the room Aidan sleeps in was once decorated for another. That my journey to motherhood precedes my curly haired munchkin.
There is a lot of guilt associated with “momentarily forgetting”…When people ask if Aidan is my first child, my only child, I find myself far over thinking the whole situation.
What should I say, what do I say?!?!
Is feeling that I am denying Logan worse than the looks of pity? Do I really want to “get into that”.
People tend to think you are dwelling on the situation if you bring up your deceased child, like you are not getting over it.
That’s why I hardly bring him up these days I just can not be bothered with the likes of “people” these days.
People like that clearly never lost a child. They question why, if he didn’t live all that long, can I be so attached? well if you are a parent, I urge you to think back to the day that your bundle of joy was placed into your arms, remember the euphoria, the excitement, the feeling of joy NOW imagine that ripped away….that heart wrenching pain, that dull feeling isn’t all that “get over able” trust me.
There is an emptiness that follows you from that day, like a 1000 piece puzzle with one piece missing. yes you have 999 pieces and you can see the whole picture BUT the picture is not complete, it will never be 100% complete again…
Don’t get me wrong I feel blessed beyond measure to have Aidan in my life. I know so many women do not get the chance to be mothers even though their hearts yearn for the opportunity. I understand that. I get that. but all in all, all things aside, there is a Logan shaped piece missing from my puzzle and that will always sting.
Didn’t mean to be a downer this morning, but I’m nothing if not honest 🙂 have a good Tuesday everyone