A friend who went through pregnancy loss asked me a very real question yesterday.
“How do you do it, how do let yourself get excited again, how do you hope again”
It made me think…how does it happen? The answer is, FLIP KNOWS!
Trying again after losing Logan was a tough decision to make. Guys I loved that baby so much, even before he was here. Then I was standing up against all these people telling me how to feel. Telling me that I shouldn’t be ready. I found myself torn in two what if I cant get pregnant again like the Drs predicted, that’s a loss again, a profound loss, a never for you , sorry for you girly, loss. But what if I did get pregnant and lost again or just couldn’t cut it and then the nay sayers would be right. Them and the people in my head telling me God took my kid because he would be better off without me.
So how did I hope again. I don’t know if I did. I know I didn’t do belly pics the second time around, I felt silly like the universe would laugh and say, hahaha look at her “preggy pics” two pregnancies, no baby, but hey she has pics…my subconscious is kind of a biatch.
I didn’t know what to say to my friend yesterday but I kinda do now…I look at my big eyed wonder of a child and what I can say is ITS WORTH IT!
Crying over pee sticks that won’t show lines, and dealing with people’s opinions , and my own fears IT WAS/IS SO WORTH IT.
I know my friends who have adopted feel the same, the waiting by the phone, the paperwork, the red tape WORTH IT.
If you want to be a mom, go for it! Loving after loss is DIFFICULT!!! Every case of heartburn will have you running to the Dr, You will need to fart and get such a shock you won’t be able to sleep. People will give you advice that you don’t want or need. They will say stupid things like… “hope you’re being careful” SAY WHAAAAT?!?!?!
But at the end of it all, when all is said and done and you hold your little child in your arms, you will know with a certainty that runs all the way to you soul that IT WAS WORTH IT
NO FEAR JUST FAITH even if you have to borrow someone else’s faith…
If you know of anyone who needs to hear this share it, because it means my little Logan is making a difference even in death
Beautiful words Ella! You are so strong ❤
Thank you Maz, means a lot 🙂
Went back to read your older posts and wow…you’re really strong and such an inspiration! No ‘jannie jammergat’ vibes happening here! Love it 🙂 Stay blessed and enjoy your blessings.
Thanks so much Simone, looking forward to meeting you 🙂
Faith it till you make it 🙂
I remember I was hell scared after my miscarriage – I really had a lot of doubts that I would lose a baby again. But I kept reminding myself to have a shimmer of hope.
Faith like a mustard seed hey!
I met you then hey in a bathroom and for some reason we started talking about childloss and curly hair 🙂
I’m just stalking you a little, I love that you quite frankly said you don’t know how you hoped again, but that it was all worth it. It speaks volumes of how you value the blessing it is to experience motherhood. Respect! Xxx
That’s so sweet 🙂 and thanks for the stalking, I love being stalked, hahaha
i simply love this blog. lost my baby girl also two days after she was born in hospital 7 February 2017 and to this day she is a big part of our lives. This is the first time i ever spoke about her to anyone besides my husband.God decided he needs her more and she is now one of heavens angels im just glad to have had the opportunity to meet her. i also hope that the best part of her 48 hours on earth was meeting mom&dad.
-Forever Gianni Hendricks-
It ‘s amazing empowering woman like you that make it possible for me to hope for better. Thank you and your Logan 🙂