I think I’m in the middle of a third life crisis (I’m a little too old for a quarter life crisis and a mid life one should be a way off) of maybe it’s Imposter syndrome like Zoe from Born Geek chatted about recently.
Either way I really need to shake this feeling. This feeling of “where do you fit in missy”.
From a blogging point of view I realised that I’m a little more mature than my local counterparts. Anyone watch The Great Indoors? THAT is how I feel; an old school journo thrust (by choice) into the world of social media likes and Instagram filters. The young bloggers with their “Err thing” on fleek from eyebrows to breakfasts make me wonder what I’m doing here in the realm of the blogger. I don’t have the arsenal; two I phones and a selfie face. I’m way too hyper for the latte and tote life…I don’t have that distant demeanor that makes people go….OMG I like totally wanna be her friend and then I give them a look that says “You can’t sit with us, however do subscribe to my channel”.
HAHAHAHA…Not throwing shade on anyone, in fact I’ve been big sister zoned by a lot of these young whipper snappers (I’m in my 30s and say whipper snapper, deal with it) taking the world on in immaculate makeup and starry eyes. And I admire them, I just feel out of my depth.
Talking about drowning in your life, we were totally talking about that right? That’s what a life crisis is isn’t it?
Anyway I’m embarking on one of the biggest projects I’ve ever had the audacity to put my hand up for. The whole thing scares me, what scares me more is the lack of doubt from the people I’m working with and who I have spoken to about the project.
Is there like an embellished CV of mine going around? Feels like the time on Facebook I asked people to use one word that described me and I got these amazing comments like captivating and inspiring and I started wondering if morning drinking was now a thing.
I find myself feeling very outside of myself at times like “surely they are talking about someone else” I look at my friends’ accomplishments and am in awe of how they just run shizz like a boss, hold my drink while I organise this giant event, book national acts, run giant businesses, edit magazines…
I spoke to one of my friends about this this morning and she (as always, thanks Tulz) put me in my place…
You are busy undermining God by doubting where he is putting you. STOP IT.
You’ve always had dreams that the rest of us didn’t understand and you making it happen one day at a time. So keep doing it so we can keep being in awe of you.
My husband is going to say: “oh but when I say it you don’t listen” but that aside, life crisis or not, I’m ready, I’m ready to own it, put my girl panties on and DO THIS THING!