So the color run was this weekend and I was so looking forward to it!!!
But my body had other ideas…a tummy bug had me down and out since Friday, infact I had nothing to eat since then (no I’m not skinnier, I checked) my mom actually took my place in the run…Do look at the pics below and share in my FOMO.
If you are a regular here you might be thinking “this Eleanor woman has been sick for like a month now” and you wouldn’t be wrong, Eleanor is not too pleased about this AT ALL!
I’m trying really hard to not throw a pity party for myself “see last post” so instead I focus on the brightest colour in my life… Aidan.
Let’s start with the fact that he hated the color run…He does not like being dirty and having grownups hurl coloured powder at him did not go down well… “I said ‘stop it people’ but they still made me dirty” hmmmm I didn’t see that coming. Caleb loved it though, he LOVES being dirty, soooo much. The rest of the fam are big fans as well.
Monday mornings are my favourite. I work from home on a Monday and after seeing Rob off, I get to get into bed with my munchkin and cuddle before taking him to school while he declares that I’m the meanest mom ever because he just wants to dudu (sleep) please.
In these cuddle times when Mr independent actually let’s me hold him, I’m reminded of the colour he brings into my life and how – much like the color run did to him – he threw me out of my comfort zone.
I never intended to love him quite as fiercely (I sound like a monster, right) I have buried a son before and even saying it sometimes feels like a hollow in my heart, like I’m drowning in the memory. I didn’t want to love so deeply again and be hurt so profoundly again. BUT I do…
Aidan with his giant eyes and even bigger personality demands love in such a unexpected way. He is confidence and fragility in one curly haired package.
While I try to lurk in shadows he dances in every ray of light. He greets strangers with a confident smile and interacts without a hint of self-conciousness (while I smile and nod and mentally will them not to make conversation incase I say something embarrassing).
His please and thank yous are deliberate and heartfelt and his apologies even more so.
He has a child like honestly paired with a wisdom far beyond his years… A sound outside his window which would send another child hiding under his blanket has Aidan begging me to go see incase someone needs our help.<
He has never once cried/nagged for a gift I make for another child and instead wants to add little trinkets to make the gift a bigger surprise.
He saves money to give to car guards and insists on making care packages for sick kids. He has fallen asleep with tear stained cheeks because it has come to his attention that “other babas” don’t have food to eat or a warm place to sleep.
I know I’m basically just bragging about my boy right now and at 3 lots can change BUT right here right now I have so much colour in my life thanks to him.
I often feel unworthy to be his mother like I don’t do enough to encourage that heart of his…I drop the f bomb too much and I haven’t been to church in ages. I sometimes send him on missions (he has a superhero obsession) just so I don’t have to answer a question for like 15mins. His “organic meals” are often covered in sprinkles in an effort to get him to eat and if he doesn’t want to bath- and I’m too tired to care-I just let him brush his teeth and go to bed. He also doesn’t have to wear shoes if he doesn’t want to… These things make me feel like I’m failing…
But he is mine and in the words of that classic wedding song…Butterfly kisses “for all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right”
Tell me about the colour in your life…The moment you thought, hey I don’t suck at this parenting thing as much as I thought…